Excuses Excuses Excuses

Yes that is me the queen of excuses they come so easy but if I put as much effort in my eating and training as I do my excuses I wouldn't be where I am now haha :)

While I lay awake most of last night with my mind going constantly I was thinking about some conversations I have had with people over the last couple of days. We were talking about finding what motivates me and I have nothing but after talking to TW last night I realised I actually do have a lot so why is it not working.

Motivation:
My Health, not wanting to get any of the health problem you can have with diabetes
My Mum, she is going through hell at the moment with a condition that leaves her in pain 24/7 and it's likely I will inherit it too
My Life, I want to be around for years to watch my kids grow up and have kids of their own, to drive my husband nuts for the rest of our lives haha
Myself, to feel good about myself and not embarrassed every time I go out
Clothes, to be able to walk into a shop and try on something that is at the front of the shop or something the manaquin wears instead of going into the back corner where the big clothes are hidden.

There should be enough motivation right there so why is it not working.

I think this is why because I don't believe I deserve it.

Over my life I have made some mistakes some were really big but don't we all so why can I not forgive myself for them maybe that is what is holding me back. I hurt so many people mainly my family and lost friends and I know this is in the past and I do need to move on.

5yrs ago I had to fight the biggest fight of my life for my life when I was struck with severe depression and although it isn't a life threatening illness I wanted it to take my life because it was a very dark place and anything would have been better than that and maybe you are asking why am I bringing this up well the answer to that is I had to FIGHT to save my life

And fight I did for 2yrs of hell but I fought and I still fight to this day and I am winning I have been off my meds for nearly 2yrs and there has been no re-occurrence and I am happy and much stronger for it so if I can fight for that then my weight is just another fight and it has to be won that I can win too.

I am human and humans make mistakes whether they be big or small it's what we do so maybe I need to forgive myself and move forward and allow myself to win this battle. I have so much support around me that I can do this I just need to believe in myself like everyone else believes in me.

2013 will be my year and to add to my motivation TW told me last night that if I reach a goal I have set for myself then he will take me on an overseas trip so if I can get too 100kgs by next Christmas we can go away and that would be awesome.

So what next for me no more excuses I think that is a good place to start :)