Battles

I am going through another internal battle and it's driving me nuts.

Last night I txt JA and said I was taking the week off the Gym and would go back next week and start a fresh well his reply to that was NO I was not breaking my habit and had to keep at it.

After that message it got me thinking and that's what I always do I always give up when it gets too hard and I always take a break but never get back into it so this time I'm not going to give up I will keep fighting and one day I might get the results I want.

Sometimes I am tired of fighting and just think maybe this is it for me maybe I am supposed to be over weight I mean after fighting for 23yrs to lose weight and when I did lose it I couldn't keep it off so I have to wonder.

I feel like my whole life is a battle it's like I have to fight for everything and never get a break.

Financially we were finally seeing the end in sight then the car broke down and cost us $4500, my two girls needed glasses and me too another $1000 and it just seemed to get further away again. We have struggled financially for a long time and seeing an end was good.

But as I write this it has got me thinking and because someone very special once told me that God only give us what he knows we can handle but seeing as I am not religious I had to look at it differently and Life only gives us what we can handle.

We may not own our own home but we have a roof over our heads, we may not have a flash car but we have a car, we may not have all the flash gadgets but we have what we need. There are so many people who don't even have these things.

So all these things that seem like a big deal to me in the scheme of things are so little I am actually really lucky so I need to just suck it up and be grateful for what I have.

Yes I am over weight but I am healthy as healthy as I can be, I am reasonably fit for the size I am and I can do a lot of things I haven't been able to do in the past. No i'm not the size I want to be but maybe thins is all a test for me to push me to my limits so I can get through it finally break through what ever is holding me back.

I have to keep going no matter how hard it gets and no matter how much I want to quit I have to keep going pushing through and the more I push the stronger I will get and the more I can deal with.