Midlife Crisis

Well at least that is what my husband thinks is happening.

The last week has been pretty bad probably the worst I have felt in a long time.

I have been feeling unhappy, frustrated and lonely and it has made me feel pretty rotten and lots of tears. I have felt like running away but I know that won't solve anything.

My weight isn't moving cause im still having food issues.  I have been doing heaps of exercise and really enjoying it except for this week it's been a struggle but I've still done it.

I turn 40yrs very soon and I do feel like my life is half over and I havent really achieved anything. I havent traveled other than 2 trips to oz and I don't have a job or a career and for the last 20yrs all I have done is try to lose weight and im tired of fighting for it the time.

I wish I could get my head in the right space and just do it once and for all but my emotions always take over.

I know that life isn't supposed to be easy but sometimes I would like a break and I know there are people out there worse off than me but to me what I feel is pretty bad.

I have been told that I live in the past to much and I guess I do but I dont know how to forget the past because it has had a big impact on how I am today and I live a life full of regret and maybe that is holding me back but there are some things I have done that I just cant forgive myself for because I hurt someone I love really badly and I have to live with that everyday.

I need to move forward but I dont know how :-(

Week 2 Completed

Another week over and it went well for most of it.

SW: 126.5kgs
CW: 124.5kgs
GW: 85kgs
LTD: 2kgs

I did have a bit of an up and down week but for the most part it was good. There were a couple of days that I ate over my calories but never by too many and still under what my weight loss calories would be cause I eat about 280 calories less. This is the difference between  my weight loss calories and my slim person calories.

I have been trying to do more exercise just a little bit extra so I went for 3 morning walks and 7 night walks so I didn't get into the resistance training I wanted to but I will be doing that this week.

I am finding it easier to eat less and eating slower is just coming naturally now. I am learning this week when to stop eating when satisfied instead of over eating.

I am not craving takeaways like I would normally. I did have Mcdonalds today for the first time in 2wks and I had a small meal and I put it into my calories for the day. Normally well in the past anyway I would have it and want more and more but I didn't feel like that I was satisfied with what I had and don't feel that I want to eat it again.

This is a big thing for me considering a few years ago I used to binge on that stuff and the thought of doing that now makes me feel sick so I am pleased for the changes.

I am still filling out my workbook on a daily basis I have photocopied the whole book and put it in a folder so I can write on it and not ruin the book. I am still reading my other book too and getting a lot out of it too.

I also took my measurements today and they have gone down too in a week just by a little bit and I know we have to allow for measuring in different places but it doesn't matter it is just another guide like the scales.

I am so pleased I found these books and so grateful to VS for telling me about the Fat Chance book. I have stopped obsessing about about food like I used to in  the past and counting calories isn't an issue like in the past. Everything is different this time and I am making changes with everything I do rather than just changing my food.

Earlier in the week sleep was an issue or I should say lack of sleep but that seems to be changes. I have been reading a book for about 10-15 mins before a go to sleep and at first it was an information book but I found that to get my mind working so now it is my erotic novels haha and I go to sleep so much easier.

I am looking forward to another great week :)

Week 1 Complete

Week 1 complete and I am very happy with the result.

SW: 126.5kgs
CW: 125.1kgs
GW: 85kgs
LTD: 1.4kgs

So what did I change this week I lowered my calories at just eat what I will eat for the rest of my life to maintain my goal weight, I learnt what physical hunger was and only ate when hungry, I ate from a smaller plate, I learnt about emotional eating.

I have stopped obsessing about food and thinking about it constantly and I am much more relaxed about it all.

I went clothes shopping the other day and bought some new clothes and I always get a kick out of fitting into some size 18 clothes it makes me feel really good

I am eating just 3 meals a day at the moment and I am not getting hungry I am seeing it as fuel for my body not a hobby any more haha I am thinking once I get into more exercise next week I may have to add some food in which is fine because I have been eating under my calories because I haven't been getting hungry.

I went out for lunch yesterday and it did worry me a little because it was my first mean out on my plan but it went well I made a good choice and I was the last to finish eating cause I took my time to eat and when I was full I stopped and it is so easy to do now I don't even have to think about it I just do it.

I am still reading and doing things with the other book I have too and learning a lot from them all.

I went for a run everyday last week still not up to where I was before Christmas but I will get there. I am increasing my training next week I will Run Mon and Fri, Resistance Tues and Thurs all with TW and Wed I start back with JA so that is my plan for next week.

So things are looking good and I am excited for learning more things next week :)

Loving the New Me

It's Day 3 and I am feeling great. I know it is week 1 and I have had so many of them over the years but this one is different on so many levels.

I have always focused on my weight and the food that I eat and I have got obsessed so many times but this time it's different it's not like all the other times.

I am not sitting there freaking out about food and points or calories or eating enough too much all of these things really if i'm honest made my life hell and made me into a highly stressed creature and I am not that person now.

I am relaxed and very positive about everything and taking each day as it comes and not stressing I am dealing with my mind as well as my body and it feels amazing.

I am getting back into the exercise it hasn't been easy but I am still doing it. I am not liking the running it is very painful and part of me does want to give it up because i'm not sure if I do really enjoy it but I will keep at it because if I give it up it will never get any better.

So far changes I have made are eating only when hungry, using a smaller plate, eating slower, enjoying my food and all this in 3 days but all 1 each day it is fantastic.

I am HAPPY :)

Day 1 Complete and Day 2 beginning

New Kris signing in :)

Day 1 began with waking up at 6am and going for a run my first one in 2 weeks so it was a little hard but I got through it and enjoyed it too.

I am really getting a lot out of the books I am reading and doing the written exercises are really helping me get my head around things and understand more about why I eat and why I am over weight.

Day 1 goal was to eat like a slim person and to eat the calories that you will need to maintain the slim you so I will be on 1755 basically for the rest of my life that is what I need to eat to sustain my body.

Yesterday we had visitors for dinner so I did indulge in dessert which put my calories at 2000 but in saying that my calories to lose weight was 2020 so I am not too worried about that day but it's day 2 now so back to 1755.

With dinner last night I used a smaller plate and cut my portions down and was satisfied so I know that staying with these calories is going to be fine.

I have planned out my days food so I know exactly what I am having today.

I feel like my head is in a good place and I am not obsessing over food like I normally would it is actually the last thing on my mind which is so cool.

I am slowly going through the Lose Weight for Life book and I am finding it very interesting and so unlike any other weightloss book I have read.

So my new stats are as follows:
SW: 126.5kgs
CW: 126.5kgs
GW: 85kgs

The Last Day of my Old Life

It is time to say Goodbye to old Kris and say Hello to new Kris :)

I bought 2 new books today that will help me along on my journey. Fat Chance and Lose Weight for Life and it's these books, myself and my support team that are going to help me through this.

The time for change is now so not only will I be changing my body but I will be changing my mind as well which I think is the biggest problem I have had over the years my mind keeps saying I can't do it well no more when I say goodbye it is goodbye to old habits, old negative me and old glass half empty me and hello to new habits, positive me and glass half full me.

If I have to I will fake it till I make it :)

I am really excited about this it is going to be my year so I will see you on the other side :)

Old Kris Signing off :)

Happy New Year!!! Here's to New Beginnings :)

A new year has come around again and the first week is over I hope this year goes a little slower than last year.

I have had a good couple of weeks even though it started with a hitch and we thought our holiday was going to be cancelled.

On the 20th Dec we headed up to Auckland for a Gold Class screening of The Hobbit for a work function for TW but on the way up there our car over heated so here we are all dressed up and sitting on the side of the road wanting to scream while waiting for the car to cool down. We thought we were going to miss it so considered just going home but we made it even though we didn't really enjoy the night due to the frustration we were feeling.

Then just as we walk out of the theatre my phone rings a call from my Mum to say that MW has had to call the Fire Brigade cause they could smell smoke so here we are stuck in Auckland in a panic worrying about the girls and not sure if the car will get us home.

Thankfully the Firemen couldn't find anything and our car got us home and all was well until the next day anyway.

On the 21st I took the car into Midas to see if they could help us out so we could go on holiday and this is when we got the bad news that we weren't going anywhere because our car wouldn't make it any further than maybe Morrinsville or Cambridge so holiday over :(

But then we had a family dinner out with TW Mum, stepdad and Grandad who told us that we could have his car for the holidays :) so we were all very happy again.

So after all the drama was over it was Christmas Eve and JW was coming home to spend Christmas with us as he had been staying with my Mum and Stepdad but they were both sick so we had to drive over to Tauranga to pick him up but it also meant that they wouldn't be coming to ours for Christmas this year. It was our first Christmas at home with just us in years.

Christmas Day, we got up opened presents had some very happy kids especially JW. we had pancakes for breakfast, roast pork and roast lamb and all the trimmings for lunch and leftovers for dinner.

We spent Boxing Day at home and then on the Thurs we went up to Auckland for the day and spent it at Rainbows Ends it was such a cool day I conquered some fears not many but some but it also got me thinking of what I was missing out on because I couldn't do a lot of things because of my weight. It may have been in my head or reality but MW wanted me to go on the Go Karts but I wouldn't because I didn't think I could fit in the seat or the seat belt wouldn't fit around me so I didn't even attempt it because that would be embarrassing.

I picked a few things I could do and just kept doing them I still had a fun time and lots of walking my poor feet at the end of it haha.

We finished the day off at Dennys my favourite restaurant in Auckland and I have the same thing everytime. Oreo Shake, Apricot Chicken with vegies and potato and Hot fudge cake oh that is so wickedly divine haha thankfully there is no Dennys in Hamilton or that could be dangerous haha.

We then stayed home until New Years day staying up New Years Eve watching the Titanic and then heading to bed just after 12am.

On New Years day we headed to Tauranga and in the afternoon headed straight to the beach and a swim and sunbathe it was wonderful.

On the 2nd Jan TW and I celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary so we headed to the beach for a picnic with the kids and my Stepdad and they had bands playing which made it even better so we got to watch and meet Titanium which was really cool especially for JW who loves them. It was a long day and we left the beach at 7pm came home showered and then TW took me out for a lovely dinner so it was an awesome day :)

Thurs we went to Baywave and had a swim the weather wasn't the best so indoors was the best idea and Fri back to the beach for a swim and sunbathe it was another beautiful day.

Sat its time to go home so we are about to pack up the car and head home agin. It has been a great week but all good things must come to an end.

So where to from here TW is back to work on Monday so back to reality back into early morning workouts and back to tracking my food and watching what I eat because next summer I want to go to the beach and feel like I should be there instead of feeling like I shouldn't be allowed near the beach with the way I look. I know it is mostly all in my head but I felt so out of place wearing a swimsuit in a public place at my size but I wasn't going to miss out so I sucked it up.

So my goal for this year is to take it one day at a time and to get to a goal that I will set for myself for next summer and I will not put the normal pressure on myself that I always do. This is a lifestyle change and this year I will get it right and make the changes I need. I will change my thinking and start thinking like a slim person :)

Happy New Year Everyone lets have a good one :)