Derailment and rerailment

I know rerailment isn't really a word but it is the best word to describe my week.

Monday went well good workout and food was good and I thought I had things under control but it seems not it seems the self sabotage set in again on Tuesday and it wasn't good and then again on Wednesday and surprise surprise Thursday too.

I wish I knew why I do it but once I'm down I keep pushing further instead of just having one bad day I turn it into days and I frustrate the crap out of myself it's like come on why do you do this all the time snap out of it will you.

Well that's what I did today I snapped out of it. I went to the gym this morning and enjoyed my session and was lucky to have JA to take me through it since it was the first time with my new leg program.

My food was good too and I stayed within my calories but I did test myself tonight and was going to have dessert and go over my calories but after I decided I was having it I realised I didn't need it I wasn't hungry so why eat so I am proud of myself for not having it its the first step to changing my habits.

It's really hard though when MW always wants desserts and in the past I would encourage her to make them but its not what I want now so it kinda pisses me off now and the worst part is she doesn't seem to care and just says don't have any well that's easier said than done.

I know I have to make a lifestyle change no more dieting but its so hard to change the habits of a lifetime but I want too and I will do this for as long as it takes to sink in to my thick skull lol.

So we are at the weekend again they are a struggle for me I guess because its different to my during the week routine and we go grocery shopping so I get tempted by more things I just have to stay strong and hope for the best.

I am hoping to go shopping tomorrow to buy some weights and barbells for my gym they are the last things that I want and then I am set and can do so much more for me and my clients.

I am determined to keep with my training and I have to make the most of my time with JA cause I only have 5mths with him before he goes away and then I am on my own which is going to be sad but could be good too I have to see change as a good thing not a bad it means by time he leaves his job is done and its time for the next chapter to begin :)

I am getting used to change now its happening on a regular basis haha but its all good embrace it I say you never know what other good stuff is just around the corner :)