Old Patterns

I am feeling really frustrated at the moment I was doing so well and then the last few days I have fallen back into old patterns and its really hard not to beat myself up over it but its what I always do.

I want to make changes and I start but it only last a week or two admittedly I probably started at the wrong time just as the holidays started they aren't a good time for me and I struggle not being in my normal routine. I know it sounds like an excuse and maybe to some degree it is but its also life and I have to get used to it. What am I going to do for 6wks over Christmas.

The last 2 days have been the worst and we have eaten out both days but I haven't enjoyed it but its been convenient.

School is back on Monday and I will start back at the Gym and I need to focus I love my exercise and its not really my problem its my eating and it has been good up until the other day but as TW said this morning I have to just put the last couple of days behind me and move on today is a new day. Well today didn't go so well either so lets say tomorrow is a new day.

I know that it takes a while for new habits so I have to give myself the time and I am certainly doing better than in the past.

I do wonder if it is just me or do others find it just as hard and they struggle too?? Im sure they do

I know what I want and you would think it would be so easy to achieve I mean all you have to do is exercise and eat healthy it's that easy isn't it?? well you would think so.

I guess if life was that easy it would be boring because everything would come to you so easy.

A couple of years ago I had the option to have gastric bypass but at the time my husband had left me and the surgeon said I was too emotional and it just couldn't happen so he said come back in 6mths and he made an appointment because I was a candidate to have it through the public system.

6mths later came and I cancelled the appointment as I decided for me the surgery was the easy way out and I couldn't have a proper life after that only eating certain things and small amounts etc I love my food and the other thing was I want to earn it not be given it because once I do eventually get to my goal I will have work my butt off to get it.

I'm not saying that the surgery is a bad thing it's just not the right thing for me.

It's now 18mths later and I am 16kgs lighter than I was then but for the last 2yrs I have been stuck between 120-128kgs up and down then up and down again it's a vicious cycle for me and it will be until I break it and only I can break it.

I have to believe that when the time is right I will lose this weight when my mind and body decide its time to work together and until then I will keep trying :)