Woke up this morning and feeling a little down I guess it's that time again oh well should be used to it now.
The last few days I have been thinking about my life I guess things that have happened in the past, things I have missed out on and a lot of it is because I have been too scared, shy.
The truth is I lead a very lonely life I can count my friends on one hand and that's sad because there was once that I had a lot of friends but they all left and some I know why and others just left so now I just don't want to keep going through that so I stay very closed off a bit of a recluse really.
I also get very jealous of other people and it happens a lot. I see people out walking together, going out for coffee together always looking happy and smiling. I want that but it just isn't meant to be.
Some of the reason I did my PT course was so that I could feel like I was someone that I could be something but the reality is it never changed anything because I am too scared to use it, I honestly don't think I am good enough and maybe that is wrong but it's how I feel and I guess feeling like a failure my whole life has led to this.
I really do have a confidence issue and I do need to get over it but I don't know how how do you change the feelings of a life time.
Even as a couple TW and I don't go out and socialise I want too and on the odd occasion that we have I have really enjoyed myself but again we don't know many couples.
Maybe once I lose my weight things may change my weight is an issue and I know it.
When I lost my weight last time I had lots of aquantinces and lots of encouragement and when ever people saw me they would always compliment me and it did feel good that people noticed but I also got out there and was always at the school helping out so I saw a lot more people.
I don't do any of that now I don't do much at all truthfully my life consists of going to the gym, taking kids to martial arts and spending a lot of time at home thats my life.
I used to do crafts but even now that part of my life is packed up in boxes hopefully one day when we get a bigger house they will come out again.
So little baby steps and I will start with getting this weight off and then see where I go from here.
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