Failure

This is a word that has described most of my life and I was hoping that would change and now I was a success but right now I'm not feeling that.

My life is full of incomplete things I would start courses and get to the final assignment and never finish it. I have an incomplete child care and fitness and nutrition course out there.

I guess my weightloss is another one I have lost the weight once before but I couldn't keep it off and I'm over weight again.

I have also never managed to keep a job for long either 3 days was my first ever job then another for 3 weeks then I managed to keep two jobs for 6 months each. I then had a job for one day off two years my longest to date.

I was unemployed when I got pregnant with my oldest who is now 15yrs. When my youngest who is now 8yrs was 4yrs I got a job first one in years and it lasted 6 months the sad part is I loved the job so much but the boss accused me of stealing $20 when it went missing on her shift so I walked out 3 days before Christmas I was devastated I may be a lot of things but I'm not a thief.

I then just drifted not knowing where I was going or what I wanted to do until this year when I did the Personal Training Course and as hard as it was I loved it and I completed it. I finally felt like I knew what I was meant to do.

Well it seems not. I see some of the others from my class and they have successful businesses and got jobs from the course and then there is me and to be honest I can't even give sessions away. I have two friends I train and I appreciate them so much because they are helping me get my confidence.

Confidence is my down fall I am terrified of doing this I so badly want to help people but I'm scared to do it and I need to earn some money and will have to start charging at some stage because we were taught that by giving our services for free it means we don't value ourselves and what we have to offer.

I really enjoy training myself and others and I want to make sessions fun but why makes it hard is I have a very small house and my gym is my lounge and I can't bring strangers in so its an obstacle I don't have much control over.

I hate being like this I am tired of feeling like a failure all the time I want to be a success for a change I just wish I knew how to make it happen.

Sorry this is such a downer post just how I'm feeling right now.